Chasing Rainbows

Global Family Values

The following is an excerpt from a wonderful book called:  "God Has a Dream: A Vision of Hope for Our Time," by Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams:  I want to share some of their thoughts with you and you tell me how you feel about what they are postulating in terms of "famly values."

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. Perhaps if we could, we might have chosen different brothers and sisters. Fortunately or unfortunately we can't. We have them as they have us. And no matter how your brother may be, you can't renounce him. He may be a murderer or worse, but he remains forever your brother. Can you imagine what would happen in this world of we accepted that fact about ourselves - that whether we like it or not we are members of one family?

The wonderful thing about family is that you are not expected to agree about everything under the sun. Show me a man and wife who have never disagreed and I will show you some accomplished fibbers. But those disagreements, pray God, do not usually destroy the unity of the family. And so it should be with God's family. We are not expected at all times to be unanimous or to have a consensus on every conceivable subject. What is needed is to respect one another's points of view and not to impute unworthy motives to one another or to seek to impugn the integrity of the other. Our maturity will be judged by how well we are able to agree to disagree and yet continue to love one another, to care for one another and cherish one another and seek the greater good of the other.

How I pray that in our world we can learn to emulate a true family. Perhaps then we could address the injustices that cause a small percentage of our world to consume the vast majority of its resources - not unlike what happened under apartheid in South Africa - while the vast majority lives in poverty, with over a billion people living on less than a dollar a day. Would you let your brother or sister's family, your relatives, eke out a miserable existence in poverty? And yet every 3.6 seconds someone dies of hunger and three-quarters of these are children under five. If we realized that we are family, we would not let this happen to our brothers and sisters.

Excerpts from the book, Soul Mates

The following post is taken from the book Soul Mates written by Thomas Moore.  I found many of his ideas to be profound and provocative and I wanted to share some of Moore's thoughts with my readers.

Finding a soul mate is a voyage of self-discovery, says esteemed author Thomas Moore.  In an interview, Moore was asked what he means by the term "Soul Mates", the title of his book.   He states:

I think that my use of the word "soul mates" is probably a little like what everyone else thinks and a little different. I do think that there is such a thing as the sense that fate has brought people together or that there is a person who not only matches their personality or seems compatible but is someone who stirs them so deeply that they feel a connection in their souls. That understanding is, I think, legitimate, but I don't think it covers the whole territory.

Most people think of a soul mate as the one person meant for them.  Moore says. " I do think there are a number of people with such a connection that you could consider a soul mate. It may not be a romantic connection-it might be a friend or a coworker or a family member. I also think it's worthwhile to consider the idea that there's one person out there. But if you take it literally, you could wait forever and feel so anxious and distressed because that one person has not come. In the meantime, you could have been overlooking a lot of good potential relationships.

When asked if you have to have a spectacular sexual relationship with your soul mate,  Moore responded by stating that some people may have a great sexual relationship, but everything else is horrible. And vice versa-people may not have a very good sexual relationship but there's so much else that's valuable. I do happen to think that it's really worth spending time to work out a sexual relationship. Sometimes a bad sexual connection is a sign of other things not being quite right. So it's definitely worthwhile exploring together what could make that sexual connection better.

The next question was, Do we try too hard to find the perfect relationship?  Moore believes that  we often try to manage our relationships according to an ideal, overlooking the importance of the contradictory and uncontrollable aspects. He states further, "Whenever I see a couple in therapy, I try to help one partner see the mysterious nature of the other. I believe that if we allow ourselves to be unpredictable and even eccentric, we might tolerate and enjoy the same qualities in another."

When asked how this relates to loving another person, Moore explains that it's quite mysterious. When you're with someone else closely, there are more demands on you and you have to love in bigger ways or different ways than you expected. So it's a kind of a learning or ripening process.  An example would be loving a person who asks for more honesty than you're used to. It may feel like a demand on you, but it might be teaching you that if you're really going to love someone you're going to have to open your heart a lot more than you ever thought. I think that's part of the maturing of love between people, and it's part of the development of a soulful relationship because as you become more articulate about what you're feeling-you find more about who you are. You find resources within yourself you didn't know you had. That's the discovery of soul, really. I think that as you really let the other person be "other"-you have an opportunity to allow yourself to be "different." It's about two different people sharing a life, and the richness is in the difference. A relationship is an initiation, in a way. It's a rite of passage to really be in a relationship. The point is not just to have things work out so that you're happy. You have to deal with certain things, like differences. As you work things out, you actually become a more mature person. That's a very good way in which a relationship serves your soul.

Hidden Agendas: Book Review

In her world-read self-help book,  "Hidden Agendas" renowned psychologist Dr. Marlin S. Potash offers her readers an uncomplicated way to figure out what other people are really thinking and she explores the question, "Do you say what you mean and mean what you say?" She stipulates that in most relationships, people hide their true feelings, needs, and expectations- their agendas - creating misunderstanding and distrust.  In her book she illuminates the secret motivations lurking behind what people say and do.  Her book will help you discover:

• Telltale signs that you are being manipulated
• Childhood events that still sabatoge your life
• Nine clues to self-defeating behavior
• Eight questions that get agendas out in the open

Potash states that by choice or habit we do not straightforwardly convey our needs and expectations to others.  Neither do they reveal their agendas to us.  In fact, during most human interactins and virtually all baffling ones, you and other people use not just one, but three psychological agendas- and two out of three are invisible to the naked eye. 

• Open agendas contain the needs, feelings, and expectations that you are aware of yourself and convey to others directly. They can tell the whole story or represent just the tip of the iceberg.
• Hidden agendas are the wishes, hopes, desires, and assumptions that you recognize in yourself, but choose to conceal or camouflage during your interactions with other people.  They operate just below the surface and are responsible for the inconsistencies and ulterior motives that you sense in others but cannot accurately identify or fully understand.
• Automatic agendas, comprised of the needs, drives, emotions, and motives that you do not consciously recognize or understand in yourself, are underneath it all.  These truly baffling elements, which you could not explain to others even if you wanted to, dramatically influence your thoughts, feelings, and actions and are responsible for the lion's share of your own and other people's most bewildering, habitual behaviors.

I strongly recommend reading this self-help book if you want to better understand how you interact in relationships of love, work, family and friendships.  Dr. Potash clearly reveals to her readers a simple method of bringing fulfillment into our everyday and special relationships. 

Dont Give Up On Yourself

In an absolutely wonderful book titled, Your Best Life Now that I am currently reading, the author Joel Osteen gives us daily readings for living at our full potential. Periodically, I will be sharing excerpts from his book with you. In Osteen's chapter on self esteem he says the following:  "Some people seem obsessed with putting others down; they talk negatively about you or something you are passionate about.  You can't always ignore negative input, but don't let other people, systems, or circumstances influence your estimation of your value."

Osteen states further, "You may have gone through some traumatic, painful experiences in which somebody mistreated you, used you, or rejected you.  ...Maybe a good friend turned on you for no reason, and you now feel alone and worthless.  Or, maye you felt  alone and worthless.  Or, maybe you felt rejected as a child, and you are living with feelings of guilt and shame.  Perhaps you've even convinced yourself that the negative things that happened in your past are all your fault, that you deserve nothing but heartache, pain, guilt, and condemnation.  Friend, nothing could be further from the truth.  You cannot allow your self-esteem and your sense of value to be determined by how others treat you."

"Maybe you live or work with somebody who is always putting you down and criticizing you.  Let that misinformation go in one ear and out the other.  Constantly remind yourself that you are made in the image of Almighty God.  Remind yourself that He has crowned you with glory and honor, that you are Gods own masterpiece.  Dont let other people play games with your mind, deceiving you into thinking that your value is diminished."

"Hold your head up high, knowing that God is in control and He has a great plan and purpose for your life.  Your life may not have turned out exactly as you'd hoped, but the Bible says that God's ways are better and higher then our ways.  No matter what you go through in life, no matter how many disappointments you suffer, you will always be the apple of God's eye.  He will never give up on you, so don't give up on yourself."

Thoughts And Character

According to James Allen in his book entitled, As A Man Thinketh, the aphorism, " As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he," not only embraces the whole of a man's being, but is so comprehensive as to reach out to every condition and circumstance of his life.  A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.

As the plant springs from, and could not be without, the seed, so every act of man springs from the hidden seeds of thought, and could not have appeared without them.  This applies equally to those acts called "spontaneous" and "unpremeditated" as to those which are deliberately executed.

Act is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruit; thus does a man garner in the sweet and bitter fruitage of his own husbandry.

Man is a growth by law, and not a creation by artifice, and cause and effect are as absolute and undeviating in the hidden realm of thought as in the world of visible and material things.  A noble and God like character is not a thing of favor or chance, but is the natural result of continued effort in right thinking, the effect of long-cherished association with God-like thoughts.  An ignoble and bestial character, by the same process, is the result of the continued harboring of groveling thoughts.

Man is made or unmade by  himself.  In the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself.  He also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace. By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascends to the divine perfection.  By the abuse and wrong application of thought he descends below the level of the beast.  Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master.

Of all the beautiful truths pertaining to the soul which have been restored and brought to light in this age, none is more gladdening or fruitful of divine promise and confidence than this--that man is the master of thought, the molder of character, and the maker and shaper of condition, environment, and destiny.......

Only by much searching and mining are gold and diamonds obtained, and man can find every truth connected with his being, if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul.  That he is the maker of his character, the molder of his life, and the builder of his destiny, he may unerringly prove, if he will watch, control, and alter his thoughts, tracing their effects upon himself, upon others and upon his life and circumstances, linking cause and effect by patient practice and investigation.  And utilizing his every experience, even the most trivial, everyday occurrence, as a means of obtaining that knowledge of himself which is understanding, wisdom, power. In this direction, as in no other, is the law absolute that "He that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."

A few of Allen's theories on character I find refutable.  Share with me what some of your thoughts are on his postulations in the comments section.

Serenity

I am currently reading a book called, "As a Man Thinketh", by author James Allen.  The following are his thoughts on achieving serenity. I'm not sure it is quite as simple as he expounds, but read this and tell me what you think, if you like.  Allen states that calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.  It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control....A man becomes calm when he understands himself as a thought-evolved being.  Allen further postulates such knowledge necessitates the understanding of others as a result of thought.....and a clear understanding of things by the actions of cause and effect.  It is at this point that man ceases to fuss, fume, worry and grieve.  He remains poised, steadfast and serene.  It seems to me that if you get yourself right with God and with yourself, then serenity will follow. Do we really need all of what Allen suggests?