August 09, 2007

Only in America

  1. Only in America.....can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
  2. Only in America.....are there handicap parking places in front of skating rinks.
  3. Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
  4. Only in America.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
  5. Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
  6. Only in America.....do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
  7. Only in America.....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
  8. Only in America.....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
  9. Only in America.....do we use the word politics to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning bloodsucking creatures.
  10. Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.

August 08, 2007

Ageless Wit and Political Observations

 
"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do
read the newspaper you are misinformed."
- Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress....But then I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like
a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the
handle. -Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on
the support of Paul.  - George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which
debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
-G Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on
what to have for dinner. 
- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in
rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
- Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car
keys to teenage boys.
- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to
live at the expense of everybody else.
- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few
short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.
And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
- Ronald Reagan (1986)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the
facts. - Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what t
costs when it's free!
-P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as
possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.   
-Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean
politics won't take an interest in you!
- Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in
session.   - Mark Twain (1866 )

Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
- Unknown

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite
at one end and no responsibility at the other.  - Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings.
The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
- Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that
the taxidermist leaves the skin.
- Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to
fill the world with fools.
- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save
Congress.   - Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians
- Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you
want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
- Thomas Jefferson

July 07, 2007

Funny Medical Terms (Corny too)

Stretching the definition of various medical terms can be silly.  I found these on the net...Enjoy!!

Artery - The study of paintings.

Benign - What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria.

Barium - What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome.

Cat Scan - Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize - Made eye contact with her.

Coma - A punctuation mark.

Dilate - To live long.

Enema - Not a friend.

Fester - Quicker than someone else.

Fibula - A small lie.

Hangnail - What you hang your coat on.

Impotent - Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane.

Morbid - A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates.

Node - I knew it.

Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative - A letter carrier.

Rectum - Darn near killed him.

Seizure - Roman emperor.

Tablet - A small table.

Tumor - More than one.

Urine - Opposite of you're out

Varicose - Near by

Resource:  Barefoot Lass's Hints and Tips